Saturday, 14 June 2014
This is what my brain looks like right now
I've touched on catastrophising recently, but even though I know it's not rational or healthy I'm still doing it like I'm in training to represent Australia in the 1000 metres freak out and panic at the 2016 Olympics.
I'm self-aware enough to realise that most of what I'm freaking out about is completely baseless. The only one who thinks I'm crap at my job is me, but in my head this becomes "the rest of the organisation just hasn't figured it out yet" rather than "maybe I'm not that crap after all". I worry about being an unemployable lump of fail even though my resume doesn't look that bad. I'm completely flummoxed by what to do about uni, having decided to go back to study a few days before the federal budget made that look like a less awesome idea. Especially in the field I'd chosen.
Adding to this, I've got some damn obsessions clogging up my head and making it really hard to think and focus. What's with special interests that are dead and buried years ago suddenly coming back and getting up in your business all over again? I'm on a Jonathan Creek kick at the moment that, honestly, I could do without. Fandom's great, but not when it takes up space in your brain that could be better used getting your life sorted out.
Or would I just use that extra space to find something else to freak out about?