Wednesday, 24 July 2013

Obsessions and inertia and frittering away

tick, tock, tick, tock...
I waste a lot of time.  I recently pared down my social media followings quite aggressively, but before I did I could spend hours catching up on all the new stuff in my Facebook, Tumblr and Twitter feeds... and then wondering where the day had gone.  It's mostly inertia - not being able to pull the pin on my scrolling when I should - and probably a touch of obsession as well.

I also bought a new game at the Steam sale (Terraria, in case you care) and spent far, far too many hours playing it before realising I was crap at it and losing interest.  But by then I'd spent several days not really achieving anything, and completely screwed up my sleeping patterns to boot, which further impedes my ability to get stuff done because I don't function well when I'm tired.

It's not like I don't have enough productive stuff I could be doing.  I have blogs to run, books to write, plus all the real-world stuff of vege gardens and guitar practice and washing up.  But I really, really struggle to get started on any of it.

But here's a thing.  Is this Aspie inertia?  Is it procrastination because I have perfectionist tendencies and am afraid of screwing up?  Is it a symptom of the ADD I've been diagnosed with, but that's never been dealt with?  Is it a part of depression and/or anxiety?  To paraphrase Amanda Baggs (who I think was in turn paraphrasing someone else), it's hard to tell because I've only got one brain.

And that makes it really difficult to bust out of these ruts of inactivity, because each of those causes require different techniques.  Perfectionist-driven procrastination is not like inertia, which is different again from depression-related inactivity.  If you don't know what's causing it, it's really hard to fix it.