It won't be.
The first few posts were terribly well organised - written well in advance, nicely done up and queued to post automatically at the appointed day and hour.
But since then, it's all gone a little bit to hell.
It's largely an executive functioning thing. I can generally get along just well enough to keep my head above water, but add an unforeseen event, a change of routine or a dollop of extra stress to the mix and it all falls apart and leaves me in the situation I find myself at the moment - behind on two blogs, a piece of fiction I've been commissioned to write, and my actual day job, overtired, anxious, and not sure when I last ate a vegetable.
It's a mix of things. My old stamping grounds are underwater again, so there's this vague and non-specific worry about all the people I know who are affected. I'm starting to freak out about finding someone to take over my lease. I'm not sleeping well because I never do around full moon. There's the general stress and anxiety relating to the impending move and my complete lack of any sort of plan for what happens after that.
So, the executive is not working well right now. Part of coming to terms with my diagnosis is knowing when to push myself, and when to accept that I genuinely just can't do something and to be gentle with myself. This, here, is one of the latter times.
When my executive functioning goes to pot, blaming and shaming and beating myself up because I can't do today what I could yesterday doesn't help. It just adds another layer of stress that makes things worse. Because it's not that I choose not to do now what I could then, it's that I genuinely cannot. This is a thing, with autism. Sometimes we curl inwards under even gentle pressure, like a mimosa's leaves.
So rather than pushing myself to get the post up on time, stressing myself out further and probably producing a sub-par effort anyway, I'm going to just leave it til next week and try to get a decent night's sleep.
Good night.
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