Monday, 24 December 2012

Happy birthday, Nana

You read playing cards and tea leaves, and always saved the fat
when you cooked in the old kitchen out the back, Nana.

You washed your smalls by hand, saved your wash blue in a jar
and cursed the sky when dark clouds turned it black, Nana.

You knitted woollen booties, crocheted doilies, sewed our clothes,
and never realised nothing you made matched, Nana.

When I look into your photograph, I do not see myself,
I don't recognise the woman looking back, Nana.

You left our lives when I was small, to young to get to know you,
all my days I've quietly regretted that, Nana.

Now I read tarot cards and tea leaves, but I never save the fat
and I hope you can look down and smile at that, Nana.


Christmas day is also the birthday of my late grandmother, Dulcie.  I love you and miss you, Nana.

Thursday, 20 December 2012

This heart

Romantic Heart form Love Seeds

 We've been here before
we'll be here again
but not with these hands
these eyes
these ears
this heart

We have just on chance
to be in this world
to work with these hands
these feet
these bones
this heart

We are together
for just this one time
so hold me with these arms
these hands
these fingers
this heart

So hold me and know
we'll face this as one
joined by these hands
this skin
this breath
these tears
these smiles
this heart

Monday, 17 December 2012


Music bubbling like a breath underwater
Notes popping as they break the surface
My endless worries drift away
Like boats cut from their ties

Freeing me from becomings
Free to just be

A livlier tune now curls round the leaves
Shaking spring petals from the branches
Coiling like a spiral staircase,
Ever upwards, ever onwards

The view is ever changing,
Yet always is

Old fears retreat to distant shadows
Palest blue blips on the horizon
I move upwards, move onwards
Perspectives stretching as I climb

Away from the everyday
Towards forever

The Bass Department [Explored 4/4]
Photo by Chang Liu

written at Hill End, NSW, 2012

Tuesday, 11 December 2012

House of cards

Because I spent so much of my energy processing sensory stuff that most people can just ignore, I sometimes run out.  It's not that I have less energy than a neurotypical person, but I blow through it more quickly.

1937 Rolls-Royce Phantom III Sedanca de Ville - 103CP38 - fvr 

In general this is something I just work around.  I know I can't go out more than one night through the week, for instance, or I'll be exhausted for days afterwards.

But at the moment I'm crashing, quite badly.  I'm sleep deprived, haven't exercised much lately, my diet's not great, and I'm well behind on the housework and paperwork and other stuff that makes up everyday life.

It all started with a couple of late nights watching QI (an old favourite obsession which has recently returned with a vengeance) and from there it's just snowballed into a general state of apathy and not getting stuff done.  I'm tired in the afternoon so I have a nap instead of going for a walk, then wake up too late to cook a proper tea so I don't eat properly, and am alert past my usual bedtime so I go to bed late and don't get enough sleep... which means the next day I'm tired again, so the whole cycle repeats.

In one way it's a snowball, but in another it's a house of cards.  Dislodge one card (a few late nights, in this case) and the lot comes down and you have to start building all over again.


Monday, 3 December 2012

Inside the cupboard

Here's that cupboard I was talking about reorganising the other day:

The boxes in the top right hold my single-serve baggies of pasta and rice.  The two random orange things above the tomato sauce are bags of lentils that didn't fit into my filing system.

The box in the bottom  left is all the spices and dried herbs and the like, a little below eye level and all spaced out so I can see what's in there.  If I can't see it, I tend to forget it - when I cleaned out the pantry I found three unopened packets of ground ginger.  (I subsequently emptied two into the bathtub with some lemon peel and had a nice scented soak, and subsequent to that spent an hour combing the last of the ginger flakes out of my hair.)

The shop-brand Christmas pudding which isn't even a proper Christmas pudding on the top shelf is the only preparation I've made for Christmas, by the way.